Transcription:Secrets of the Animal Kingdom
CAPTION: SECRETS OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM presents CAPTION: THE MONGOOSE:NATURE'S ASSASSIN {A mongoose scurries though the grass, and pops his head up.} NARRATOR: The mongoose may be small, but he's one of the fiercest killers in the animal kingdom. {A mouse jumps off a rock and hides as the mongoose scurries past. A vulture sitting on a log squarks and flies away quickly. The mongoose reaches the top of a small knoll, and looks around.} NARRATOR: When the mongoose finally spots its target, the strike is precise... and deadly. {The mongoose sets up a sniper rifle. Through the sight we see President John F. Kennedy being driven through the streets of Dallas. A shot is fired and two Secret Service agents leap onto the car as it roars away.} SECRET SERVICE AGENT: The President has been shot! Repeat, the President has been shot! {The smoking sniper rifle remains, but the mongoose is gone as police sirens can be heard. The next shot is of the mongoose reading a newspaper with the headline "OSWALD KILLS PRESIDENT" - the mongoose looks up and laughs.} CAPTION: SECRETS OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM presents CAPTION: THE HYENA: NATURE'S A**HOLE NARRATOR: No animal is immune from the tormenting cackle of the hyena. {Two bucks ram their antlers together, knocking both unconscious. The hyena appears, howling with laughter} {A hippo is sinking into a tar pit. It reaches out for help, and the hyena whips his paw away, leaving the hippo to sink and dies. He rolls around laughing.} HYENA: Look at him! He's so friggin' fat! {Like the old fable, a mouse is helping a lion who has a thorn stuck in his paw. The hyena appears, pointing and laughing.} HYENA: Some King of the Jungle! Ha ha ha ha haaa! Needs a mouse to help! Ha ha haa... uh oh... {The lion has appeared behind the hyena. He beats him up, bites him and smashes a chair over him.} {The hyena, in bandages and crutches, is making a call on a payphone.} HYENA: Ha ha... er, yes, hi, I'd like to report a domestic disturbance. {Later, two police officers are dragging the lion away.} LION: But I didn't do anything! LIONESS: Officer, no, he never laid a paw on me, I swear! You can't... {As the police car drives away, the hyena appears beside the lioness. He blows a kiss at the car before turning his attention to the lioness} HYENA: So, single, huh? {the lioness's jaw drops} CAPTION: SECRETS OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM presents CAPTION: THE LEMMING: NATURE'S RETARD {A lemming is sniffing a plant when a horde of lemmings runs past. He joins them and they all run off a cliff.} NARRATOR: Truly the lemming is nature's retard. {Seven lemmings stand by the side of a busy road. Six of them run on to the road and are killed by a car, The remaining one pauses, then runs out and is also killed} {A lemming watches a working blender.} LEMMING: For freedom! {The lemming jumps into the blender, and gets shredded to bits, killing it} {Two lemmings sit at a bar.} MALE LEMMING: Let's go back to your place. FEMALE LEMMING: Do you have any condoms? MALE LEMMING: Who needs condoms? CAPTION: RETARD Category:Transcriptions